All the Crazy Ladies (Put a Sock In It)

Yesterday was Father's Day which meant heading over to the grandparents for some food, drink and banter. By banter I mean my uncle and grandmother debating some huge sociological argument. And all that's OK. It's fine and also preparing for debating life when you manage to get a word in edgewise.

But the title, crazy lady, comes later, after my uncle dropped off the dusty keyboard and my parents popped out for a father's day drink and my brother went to the cinema to see some juvenile film. I was sat in alone and the phone rang, as it does. Then, I heard the old quiet voice of the alcoholic enemy named Kirsten.

Kirsten, or Kirsty is the mother of my half-sister, who is hardly a sister as I know more about Nora from number 88 than my "sister". Anywho, she phoned up to moan, "I'm not your enemy." "I don't want to cause trouble for you." "Don't you want to see your sister." Firstly what does she mean 'enemy'. Nobody has enemies unless they're political powers or superheroes or soldiers. Enemy, please. Secondly, at 16 I don't think she is going to cause any trouble for me as I have done nothing wrong. Finally she puts me in the bad position as if I was some horrible person who is refusing to have contact with a ten year old relative. I don't want to meet my half-sister, because her crazy whackjob lush of a mother will tag along like the girl with the glasses and the mopey face who nobody likes...you all know who you are.

The "Getting a Girl Pregnant" Card

Last Christmas I pressured my Mum to start watching Lost, five years after everyone else using my extensive DVD collection. Eventually she gave in and started watching it. Pretty soon she was asking to watch an episode every night and sometimes even two. But then season two ended. When the Others were formally introduced as Ben and Juliet and they kept Kate and Sawyer in cages and Jack in a shark observation room, she went off it. One episode every three weeks was average and soon she would be behind season five aswell as four.

So tonight, after my dinner, I was planning on going to bed to watch Family Guy because, for some reason, I was really tired. Probably because I don't sleep until half one in the morning. Anyway my brother was watching Simpsons downstairs, Mum was looking for a holiday on the computer and Dad was upstairs. Zeus was in the kitchen, but he's not involved in this tale.

I announced I was going up for my shower and reached the bathroom when I heard Dad go down and Tom rush upstairs. I told him I was watching TV but he bulldozed past and fixed himself in the room. Then it took about fifteen minutes of me shouting from the bathroom that it's not fair that when Tom's activity finishes he wants to jump in and take over someone else's. Because lets face it, it isn't.

Then I started talking about moving out and getting young family housing after finding a skanky teenage mum and pretending to be the kid's father, before living off benefits nad becoming addicted to crystal meth. I also ranted that it was my summer and they're not making me miss it by going to bed early and I'm watching Big Brother.

So, to diffuse the situation, Mum said that she'd watch Lost episode 3x14 "Exposé", the 2nd best episode. So I was happy, I had successfully used the "I'll get a girl pregnant" card to get my own way.

Does that make me a bad person? No, of course it doesn't. Teenage skanks need a family too...

Which Way Now?

What next for me, then?

Yes, last week I successfully (I hope) completed compulsory education and it feels....the best way to describe it is basically those old Persil ads, or whatever, that's a load off your mind. So, what do I do now? That seems easy - get a job.

Or not so. Trawling through town one day and you can see how overstaffed some of these stores are. You walk into one and start looking at an aisle near the door and one of the overly-excited preppy uni-grads comes up to you asking if they can help. This happens about four more times and you leave the store harrassed and empty handed. It turns out they don't really want to help you they just think you're gonna steal things.

Anyway, yes, I could get a job. But I would rather spend the time doing decoupage - whatever the hell that is or build shelves. I will be going out and about with friends, but how many times can you make a trip into town with the same people. Sure, I guess I could go out and find some more people to do things with. But that just seems desperate. Maybe I can go speak to that girl I tried, and failed, to connect with in my year at acting class.

Job, hobby, friends. When September comes around I'll be up at half five, gagging to learn more about psychology, history, politics and maths. If anyone has any ideas (does anyone even read this??) just contact me. I hope you moaning workers count yourselves lucky that you have a profession and don't just sit and watch re-runs of Big Brother and Jeremy Kyle.

First Blog

So this is my first blog. I don't know why I'm doing this, partly because I feel that my life may have more meaning if I read it back over in blog form and partly because it's one in the morning and the film High Fidelity is getting boring. I don't really know what to put in this blog...what do you put in a blog? I'm just going to leave it here and maybe write one tomorrow...maybe...:)